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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26869303">The Words You'll Never Hear Me Say</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/damnyouelara/pseuds/damnyouelara'>damnyouelara</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Free!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Denial of Feelings, Heartbreak, Implied Sexual Content, M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 19:06:39</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,071</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26869303</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/damnyouelara/pseuds/damnyouelara</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Sousuke broke Momo's heart.</p><p>Momo spent the next ten years getting over it and almost succeeded.</p><p>Then Sousuke comes waltzing back into his life and tries win him back.</p><p>Warnings inside.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Mikoshiba Momotarou/Yamazaki Sousuke</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Words You'll Never Hear Me Say</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Yo!</p><p>I was reading Katamuku Karada by Okuda Waku and it inspired me to write this short about Momo and Sousuke who I adore so much. Give the manga a read! It might not be to everyone's taste but I thought it was very realistic in the way it was written.</p><p>So this includes:<br/>Sosuke as an organized crime boss.<br/>Momo as an entomologist (bug scientist)<br/>Implied Sexual Coercion. In the sense that Sousuke kept asking until Momo said yes.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Momotarou found it strange for his father to call him into his office. He knew what the family business was but his father had made sure that none of his children had anything to do with it. Instead, they lived regular lives. Away from the dark and dangerous world of crime. His brother and sister were in the big leagues, swimming and making the Mikoshiba family name known while he had opted to study to become an entomologist instead. He and his siblings agreed that he talked enough about stag beetles that he would have fun studying them in his everyday life. Even though his father preferred better for him he’d practically thrown the money at him and told him to do whatever he wanted.</p><p> </p><p>He hadn’t seen his father since he started his course so it must have been something big if they were talking in person. They weren’t particularly close as his feather had made it clear that Seijuro and Isuzu were his pride and joy but his father did love him. He knew that much. Readying himself, he knocked on the door and entered when he was permitted to do so. In the office was his father, a red haired older man whose hair was slightly greying and someone he hadn’t seen in years. Someone he didn’t think he would see again. His father beckoned him forward and told him to sit down next to the man. The man who should have been a stranger to him now. Yamazaki Sousuke. What business could he have possibly had with their family.</p><p> </p><p>“Momo. You’re probably wondering why I called you here,” his father began, “it seems that someone in the faction has been going into dealings without my permission. Yamazaki-san’s group was almost ruined by this. I have apologised and offered him money and merchandise in exchange that we forget this happened but he doesn’t want that. He agreed to let it go on one condition.”</p><p> </p><p>Momotarou had no idea where this was going. If he didn’t want money, drugs or guns (he actually wasn’t sure what his father dealt in) then what could he possibly want? Oh god. Did he want Momotarou dead? Was his father asking him here to die for the family? He knew that he didn’t have the fame that his siblings had but he was doing well in his field and he couldn’t die just yet. He still had so much to do. So much more to show the world about stag beetles. </p><p> </p><p>In a way it made sense. He was the unknown Mikoshiba sibling. He could die and nobody outside his family would notice. His father had never asked anything of him before. He was scared. He didn’t want to die. Least of all have Sousuke be the one that killed him. He tried to speak but his throat was dry. He needed his father to understand that he couldn’t do this. That there had to be another way. He was about to stand up when Sousuke spoke suddenly.</p><p> </p><p>“Uncle. Let me talk to him. He’ll understand it better if it comes from me.”</p><p> </p><p>The senior Mikoshiba nodded and walked out of the office. Momotarou couldn’t move. Whether he was paralysed by fear or curiosity, he didn’t know. What he did know was that he didn’t plan to be in close proximity with this man ever again. Once Sousuke was sure that they two were alone, he put his hand on Momotarou’s knee. The red haired man stiffened. They hadn’t been this close since Samezuka and to be perfectly honest, Momotarou preferred it that way. He did everything he could not to look into those emerald eyes. He couldn’t face Sousuke at all and he didn’t want to.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s you. You’re the condition. I’ll forgive everything, if you come back to me. Ever since I found out who your father is, I’ve wanted that pure heart of yours.”</p><p> </p><p>What? Wait. What?! He was the condition. Sousuke would accept his father’s apology on the condition that Momotarou returned to him. No. There was no way he was going back to Sousuke. He would, quite frankly, rather die. There was also the question of, when had Sousuke been involved in organized crime? It had to be a family affair because Sousuke was 28 years old and seemingly the boss of the Yamazaki group. Why didn’t they talk about this in school? Did Momo mean that little to Sousuke?</p><p> </p><p>“I’ve been waiting for you,” Sousuke started, “I know that the way we ended things was bad.”</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t say we. You graduated. Stuck around because you couldn't swim anymore and then abandoned me the moment you were cleared. There was no we.”</p><p> </p><p>“I know you’re upset but it won’t be so bad. I’ll make you tell me what I always wanted to hear. You’ll say that you love me.”</p><p> </p><p>Sousuke pulled Momotarou close to him and kissed him. The red haired man’s eyes widened. Sousuke kissed him so brazenly after shattering his heart into a million pieces. He ran his hands through Momotarou’s hair and pulled him onto his lap. Sousuke kissed the corner of his mouth, then his jaw, moved further and sucked hard, leaving a mark on his neck. Momotarou wasn’t sure what to do. There was a fog in his brain, he was conflicted. Part of him was happy that Sousuke wanted him back but a bigger part of him was telling him to to give in. Not to let himself be weakened by pleasure. How long that would last, he didn’t know.</p><p> </p><p>A week later, the agreement was set in stone. Momotarou moved into Sousuke's home. He reminded himself daily that he did this for his father and nobody else. Least of all the green eyed crime boss who had vivisected his heart and spat on it for good measure. Despite that, Sousuke was good to him. He cooked, gave Momotarou his own space to research and bought him lavish gifts. The only thing he wanted in return was for Momotarou to say that he loved him. Hell would freeze over before that happened. It was a bold statement but it was the truth. He was only doing this for his father. He was only doing it for the man who raised him to be strong in the face of adversity. The man who had nurtured his dreams and kept him away from a sordid life. The same man who had sold him out to that life. His father put him in that position but he didn’t want Sousuke to kill him. Familial love was complicated.</p><p> </p><p>Every day, when Sousuke returned, he wanted sex. No matter what Momotarou was doing, Sousuke would drag him from wherever and they would have sex. Sousuke hadn’t changed. When they were in high school, Sousuke never talked with Momotarou much. He would kiss the problems away and whisper dirty things as he jerked Momotarou off. They’d never gone all the way. By the time Momotarou was ready to do it, Sousuke had broken his heart and left him all alone. He abstained from sex until his second year of university when his senpai invited him over for video games. He accused Momotarou of cheating to win and they’d got into a playfight. Senpai had pinned Momotarou down, all of a sudden they were kissing and Momotarou was spreading his legs for this guy every Friday night.</p><p> </p><p>That was the difference. He didn’t care too much for that guy. Now that he thinks about it, his senpai was just a way for him to distract himself from the aching in his heart. It was different to what was going on now. He hadn’t slept with anyone since leaving university and Sousuke was treating him like he did it every night. As if it was his job. For all the bravado that Momotarou had, he was soft. Ask anyone. He spent more time with his bugs than with other human beings. Sousuke didn’t get it. He didn’t understand why Momotarou would hide his face when they had sex. He didn’t understand why he tried his best to be silent. When he moved Momotarou’s hands away from his face and saw tears and anger in those golden eyes, he got angry and just finished Momotarou off and told him to clean himself up when he came. After that Sousuke would leave the house and Momotarou would lay on the bed, staring at the ceiling. It wasn’t that Momotarou didn’t enjoy having sex with Sousuke. He liked it but he didn’t want Sosuke to know that. He kept quiet so his voice wouldn’t betray him. He covered his face because he was angry at himself for going along with it just because Sousuke pestered him for it.</p><p> </p><p>One particular day, Momotarou was sitting on the couch and watching television. Sousuke was out. He received a call from his older brother, asking him how he was doing. Momotarou had emailed his brother about the whole Sousuke situation and his brother had given him the best possible advice. Seijuro wasn’t particularly fond of Sousuke. He didn’t appreciate that the younger man had moved in on his baby brother and then subsequently dropped him like a hot potato. However, seeing how infatuated his little Momo was, he dealt with it. It wasn’t like he could use the family of crime as an excuse when their father wasn’t exactly innocent.</p><p> </p><p>“He’s mean. He’s the one who left me and he keeps asking me if I love him. He wants me to open my heart to him again. Sei, I don’t know that I can do that. He is my first love. He’s the only person I felt like that for.”</p><p> </p><p>“He could be more serious about you considering he was willing to forgive a massive indiscretion in exchange for you. You know my feelings on him but it was a pretty long winded way to get you back. Not to mention he basically told dad that he likes you like that.”</p><p> </p><p>“He left me, remember? I moved on but I never stopped loving him as stupid as that sounds. But. I can’t give him the reward of knowing that he has me by the heart. I will die before I tell him that I love him again.”</p><p> </p><p>Seijuro sighed on the phone. Once his little brother had made his mind up, there wasn’t a lot that could change it. With a few last words of encouragement, Seijuro said his goodbyes to his brother. Momotarou put the phone down and sighed he wasn’t sure what he was going to do. Maybe Sousuke would be reminded of why he left him in the first place and kick Momotarou out. He lay down on the couch and fell asleep. Unbeknownst to him, Sousuke had actually heard the whole conversation. He felt his own heart break slightly. As he entered his living room, he saw his lover asleep. Sighing, he draped a blanket over Momotarou and kissed him on the forehead.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry,” he whispered before leaving the house and heading out.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>Sousuke didn’t touch Momotarou for a week after he heard the phone call. He wanted to figure out what his game plan was. At that moment, he was sitting in the backseat of one of his cars. He was outside Momotarou’s place of work. He decided to surprise him and take him to dinner. Right on cue, he saw Momotarou leaving the building . Next to him was a taller man in a lab coat. He seemed to be too close to Momotarou for Sousuke’s liking. Exiting the car, he walked over to the scientists. Getting closer, he could hear bits of their conversation. His lover was animatedly talking about stag beetles. It was nice to know that he hadn’t changed. Sousuke didn’t know a lot about Momotarou’s new life since the younger man hardly spoke to him.</p><p> </p><p>“Momo. Come on. I’m taking you to dinner.”</p><p> </p><p>“You never told me this.”</p><p> </p><p>“I thought you’d be happier. It was supposed to be a surprise.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh. I’ll see you tomorrow then senpai. Make sure you read my paper!”</p><p> </p><p>The other man nodded and waved the two off as they headed to the car. Sousuke opened the door for Momotarou and got in next to him. Since their reservation wasn’t for another hour, he told the driver to go around the city. The man in the driver's seat nodded and put up the divider, obscuring his view of the passengers. Momotarou got nervous. He played with the hem of his sweater. Sousuke looked at him. It was apparent that Momotarou wasn’t going to submit to him anytime soon and he didn’t know how else to make him say those words he wanted to hear. Sousuke decided to hold his hand, rubbing his thumb against Momotarou’s knuckles. They stayed like that for a bit before Sousuke moved closer to Momotarou and kissed his lips. Then his cheek, down to his neck. He lifted Momotarou’s sweater and kissed his abs.</p><p> </p><p>“What are you doing?”</p><p> </p><p>“You don’t want to?”</p><p> </p><p>“N-no. I don’t.”</p><p> </p><p>Momotarou looked to the side and hoped that his blush didn’t betray him. He half expected Sousuke to disregard his feelings on the matter and continue but the black haired man sat back in his seat and looked out of the window. Momotarou was confused. He was different. Different to earlier in their cohabitation where he would just do what he felt. After sorting himself out, he sat up and kept his hands in his lap. Truthfully, there was every possibility of him falling in with Sousuke again. He could do it. He could have let Sousuke swallow him into submission. But he wasn’t going to. He was better than that and he wouldn’t back down so easily.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>So far, dinner was going smoothly. Sousuke had booked a private room for the two of them. He told Momotarou to order whatever he wanted, his treat. What Sousuke forgot was that, even though Momotarou was small, the redhead had the appetite of a blue whale. Multiple dishes would enter the room at random intervals. When Sousuke was regretting this whole ordeal, he looked across at Momotarou who had a smile on his face. <em> It was worth it then </em>, he thought as he sipped his drink.</p><p>“Momo,” Sousuke started, as they were in the car on their way home.</p><p> </p><p>“Sousuke.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re sleeping in my bed tonight.”</p><p> </p><p>“Whatever.”</p><p> </p><p>The remainder of the ride was spent in silence. Both men exited the car and Sousuke thanked his driver, asking him to come and pick him up in the afternoon. After they watched him drive off, Sousuke held Momotarou to his side and walked him into his house. He told his lover to go upstairs and get ready for bed while he brought up a jug of water and a glass. As he filled the jug, Sousuke thought about everything. How he hurt Momotarou in the first place, how he hurt him by forcing him to stay. He sighed, closing the faucet. He was a fucking coward. Walking up the stairs, he saw that the light in his bedroom was on. At least they were sleeping together tonight. Entering the bedroom, he saw the redhead laying underneath the covers with his eyes closed. He smiled and put the jug and glass on his desk. </p><p> </p><p>“Sousuke,” he heard Momotarou murmur in his sleep. His arms were outstretched as if they were waiting for something or someone to come towards them. </p><p> </p><p>Getting into bed, Sousuke pulled Momotarou close to him. He breathed his scent. It was calming. Wonderful. Everything that Momotarou’s presence was. He would love to be caught up in it forever. He desperately wants to win Momotarou back.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>They continued like this for a year. Sousuke is kinder. He stops trying to coerce Momotarou into having sex. He surprises him with dinner, gifts and even funds his department’s research. Sousuke had even stopped asking Momotarou if he loved him. They lived their lives and ate dinner together. Sometimes they even had proper conversations as though they were old friends. Momotarou knew that he was falling for Sousuke again. He was going to be in complete love with him. He could see it happening. Be that as it may, he wasn’t going to tell Sousuke anything.  He would take this secret to his grave. As he told his brother, he would rather die than let Sousuke know that he was still in love with him.</p><p> </p><p>It was a mistake.</p><p> </p><p>He gets the call right as he is replacing the slide in his microscope. It’s urgent the person says. He takes the phone and after listening, he almost drops that too. All he knows is that he has to get the hospital straight away. When he arrives, one of the group members is waiting for him. They take him to see Sousuke. And he, that asshole, is sitting on the hospital bed with a gunshot wound in his abdomen. He is talking to his father and the doctor and they’re saying he’ll be fine. When Sousuke looks in front of him and sees Momotarou’s distraught face, he tells everyone to leave the room. Then it’s just the two of them. Sousuke beckons him over but he can’t do it. </p><p> </p><p>“Mikoshiba Momotarou. Come. Here.”</p><p> </p><p>Momotarou all but ran over to Sousuke and hugged him, making sure to be careful of the wound. He is crying. He is crying so hard on Sousuke’s shoulder. He is angry at the person who shot the love of his life. He is angry at Sousuke for being shot. Most of all he is angry at himself for not telling Sousuke that he loves him. For all he knew, Sousuke could have died. He would have died thinking Momotarou hated him.</p><p> </p><p>“I love you. I love you Yamazaki Sousuke. I love you so don’t leave me. Don’t die. You can’t abandon me twice because then I’ll really hate you. I would never forgive you. I would bring you back and kill you myself. You hear me? I love you, you damn bastard.”</p><p> </p><p>“I love you too. It’s okay. You don’t need to cry. I’m still here. And I’m with you. I’m sorry for leaving you the first time. I never should have hurt my first love. But I’m here now. I’m back. Tadaima Momo.”</p><p> </p><p>“Okaeri Sousuke.” </p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Let me know what you thought!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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